“Heey! You scrawny girl, how long will you have him. Give him to me. Its my time.”
“Shut up, you flabby devil. You had him all for yourself yesterday. Today, he is all mine.”
Sounds like a story of an introvert guy stuck in a triangle love story with two women??
Well, almost the same.
Except, the man here is a toddler and that toddler was myself, three decades ago. And the two women were my Paternal Aunts.
Their love was still possessive, outwardly. Deep within, it was quite unblemished and selfless.
My mother was the lone cook for our joint family of 12 people. No maids to help. And, quite a moody father-in-law, who demanded perfection in the food he ate. Any mis-step, he would wash the hands in the plate and leave the house without a word. That silence was like a whiplash to my mother’s tired heart.
So, she really couldn’t have time for me. I was, but a toddler. Curious and unbelievably cute. So, my mom had no other option, but, to outsource her job of mothering to her sister-in-laws, who were just waiting to grab me and play with me. I would get candies that they hid for me, fruits they sacrificed, and tarty tamarind they stole from kitchen.
So, you see, there was quite a competition. I strongly suspect my foodie trait as an adult had been born right there, between the arms of two sisters who gave all they could get their hands on to me. Truth be told, I never missed my mom. These two wonderful little women more than compensated for my mother. In fact, they were my mothers. Mothers given by God to take care of me. Miniature mothers sent to help my mother when her exhausted heart could no longer sing a lullaby to me.
I can’t help myself drawing a beautiful analogy here. Our joint family was like a Pride of lions. Grumpy male members just tired themselves out every day trying to earn more than we need and can. Mom, was like the lone capable lioness hunting (cooking) food for the family. And just like in a lion’s pride, the other lionesses (my Aunts) took care of the cub (myself), while the senior lioness hunted for food.
Just like their appearances, the minds and attitudes of my aunts were very different. One was exceptionally beautiful and the other one was exceptionally intelligent. As they aged they spent their time in nourishing their attributes. Almost like two trains running in opposite direction on the same track. The track was their love for me.
My grandfather had a policy. He encouraged his kids rather strongly to study. At times even using corporal punishments. Despite that, if the kid doesn’t study, the boy would be primed for family business. And the girl would be primed for matrimonial alliance. So, my aunt, studied hard, went on to become an MCA in 1990s and eventually a software engineer with a hefty pay. My other aunt couldn’t clear her 10th standard. She was eventually married off after few years of training with cooking and other stuff. How contrasting were their paths. Their choices as kids and teens defined their lives as adults.
The two trains still moved on the same track, though in opposite directions. Both faced challenges in their lives and both were bold in their own way. Their love towards me never changed. My younger nerdy aunt was my teacher and she instilled in me the passion towards learning. The older Aunt, instilled in me the passion for life. To able to think for myself. Both the traits have contributed immensely to what I am today. Both have saved me from many tragedies in my life till now.
The elder, beautiful aunt was the princess of our house. The younger one was the pride of my grandfather. Rightly so! She was the only one among all his seven children who took his effort to educate his kids, very seriously. But, life isn’t always dreamy. Life isn’t always fair. The princess and the scion, both have to go through something that changed their lives forever. Something that even corrupted the love I had for them. Something not-so-dreamy and sweet!
There was no stopping for my aunt. India’s software industry was growing by leaps and bounds and she benefitted immensely from the boom. So much so that, it became difficult to get her a match. There were no one as accomplished as her in our community to be her groom. We searched far and wide. Most of our relatives who were of marriageable age, excused themselves from the alliance. Her accomplishments intimidated even the richest of the men!
The only match we got was from a greedy family who asked for a hefty dowry and a house in Hyderabad for the match. My aunt just walked away from that match, even as the elders from both sides were trying to come to a deal. She simply refused to encourage that. Her conscience was very clear. She told my grandfather this: “Father, If I marry him, you would have to buy him something or the other every year. I can’t allow that to happen. We can’t feed their greed.” Speaking truth to power! Wasn’t it?
My other Aunt had her own troubles. She realised that her life had changed. From the princess to the cook. She took hardships. Cooked food, mopped floor, did the vessels and washed clothes. Though these were only in the earlier part of her married life. After a while, she got a maid. Yet, the cooking still remained. But, she still remained a princess for our family. Every once in a while my grandfather would send her something. Her brothers would make frequent visits.
She was after all married off to someone in the same town. Grandfather wouldn’t have it any other way! Every function or event in our home, she used to be showered with gold and saris. And soon, we even got a big house built for her. A group house that would get her rent from four families. Her gold reserves heaped up and she was even given a share in my grandfather’s property! The princess was made into a queen, in a way.
Still, they all paled in comparison to what my younger aunt achieved. The respect she received and the freedom her job gave her were priceless. A dream of many women of those times. But, was everything so dreamy in her life? No! My other Aunt’s accomplishments became her bane. She couldn’t find a match with traditional match-making means. So, she found a match for herself. She fell in love. And, the family got to know. All hell broke loose!
She was grilled by everyone. Shamed even. Bullied by her own brothers. But, conscience of the lioness was clear. She fought back. Fought back fiercely for her life. For her love. For her freedom. And win, she did! But, the cracks in psyche remained. She ceased to be the pride of her father. The love was still there in his heart. But, massive walls of ego entrapped it. Grandfather embraced a mask of stoicism in her presence. It was painful to watch. But, the lioness still loved fiercely. That her love wasn’t reciprocated, didn’t matter much to her! They don’t make such women anymore! They don’t make such humans anymore!
When all these were happening, I grew out to into a teenager. Into a young adult. And, with my misplaced notions of achievements, I thought that I could judge these women! Judge these two mothers of mine given by God! I saw my elder aunt as a spoiled brat. Just pumped with money and gold. I judged her vanity. Her unnecessary glossy appearance she maintained. Even found her very stupid sometimes. I judged her for not being a responsible parent and for spoiling her kids.
My accomplished aunt wasn’t spared even. She had changed drastically after her marriage. Oh, she still keeps fighting. That hasn’t changed. But, I judged her for the compromises she made for her married life. For her kids. For her in-laws. I found her becoming weak. That her fire is missing!
But, should she keep burning? Isn’t she allowed to find her peace? Isn’t she allowed to make her own choices? For her own life and for her family? No! In my perfect world, the lioness can’t compromise. The lioness can’t be weak. The lioness simply can’t take a break!
Life is a very patient teacher. A teacher with a large mirror and a permanent grin on its face. When as an adult, I had to make my own compromises and quit being a prince of my perfect world, I knew it all. I knew the lionesses never stopped fighting. Just that they stopped showing it to the world. The difficult situations in my life cleared my mind from the fog of faux superiority. I was humbled by life when it forced me to stare into the mirror it held for me. I was forced to stand on the ground with my wings clipped. I was made to yield. And, yield I did.
When my elder aunt lost her darling daughter to an accident, she fell into my arms sobbing like little girl. All the barriers between us broke. We were just two souls, a son and a mother re-united in our grief for each other and our family member. No judgements remained. No explanations were necessary. My mom was suffering immensely and I just held her, praying for the bad time to pass.
When we lost our grandfather to chronic illness, it didn’t matter to my younger aunt that her love to her father still remained unanswered. She was there for her mother, with her sister. And, the two lionesses joined hands in repelling anyone who came forward with the idea of widow making ceremony for our grandmother. They said a polite but a firm NO. It was decided then. Grandmother will not wear a white sari. Nor will she break her bangles. She already had enough for the day and that we should let her grieve in peace. Each every relative just nodded and left the daughters and their mother.
The lionesses never stopped fighting!
The lionesses never stopped loving!
The lionesses never stopped living!
And, I’m one lucky cub!
I’m always their cub!
MontySpeaks 